The Feeling of Loosing

Trying to protect the ones I love from this destroctive world but at the cost of loosing myself. Should I pay this fine and lose what is mine my mind is whirling in a storm and brain washed by society who predicts that in 5 more years I will die. Im not an expert on life but I know how to maintain mines and keep me from falling and drowning my stress in a bottle of wine. Drinking and drinking till I cant feel my feet then I vomit out my emotions and fall to the floor and feel hopeless I consume this poison due to hearing your venom, its my life but im letting you control it giving you my heart and I stare at you while you hold it I see you crush it and throw it on the ground now my mood is like what the hell and im on my knees like a dummy im not praying but begging to another being who I gave my trust to and the same person I gave my heart to make the same mistakes I do.... Now what sense does that make there is a high being who gave me life and I just threw it all away to someone who is living no different than I. What becomes of us if we put all our faith into someone who is equal or lower than us.....