This Feeling of Mine

Dear Dad,

I can't help it,

The hate in me keeps getting stronger and stronger.

I wish I could tame this flame that haunts me all day and all night.

I wish that for once I could be the better person,

And extinguish it once and for all,

But I can't.

I know that for a girl my age it's not right to have such a mentality,

But what do you do if that hate is the only thing that keeps you going?

What if the rest of the feelings you once had have all been completely numbed out?

And the only thing that still holds your feet to the ground is nothing but hate and anger.

You see,

Time after time I try to get over these pains of mine,

But it's not just something that can vanish with a snap of a finger,

Or can be brought to a halt with some phrase that makes it seem as if you actually care.

This feeling has gotten so extreme that I wonder,

Is there anything else that I can feel but hate?

Every day as I lay in my bed I ask myself,

What have I become?

Am I some kind of savage beast that can't feel at all?

Has my mind gotten rid of the last bit of humanity I had left within my heart?

I try to seek for help,

But all that is given to me is nothing but rejection and pity.

Today,

I decide that I don't want to feel this discomfort anymore,

But how can I stop these negative feelings inside of me that won't let me breathe?

Now that's the question I am never able to answer myself.

All I can seem to do is hope,

That one day this disease will stop suffocating me.

Love,

Your forgotten daughter