Feelingless

Today's supposed to be a happy day. 

A great day. A wonderful day of joy.

So why? Why don't I feel excited?

Why don't I feel anything?

Shouldn't it be all sunshine and roses?

Shouldn't there be some sort of joy?

Shouldn't I have some light inside me

that helps me to want to keep pushing on?

Everyone else seems so excited

just to present, helpful, here.

Everyone else is asking if I'm

ready, or anxious, or full of fear.

"No not really" is my only answer,

"no cuz I don't feel anything."

Wait! Don't tell them that last part though

cuz you don't want their sympathy.

They'll think something's wrong. You're not okay.

You know it but they don't need to.

So instead you sit in quiet, silence,

and leave them to wonder it anyway.

"It'll be fine" I lie to myself.

"I'll be great" I say again.

"Everything's fine" I know it's not true.

"Everything's grand!" Don't push it.

If I just keep pushing forward,

maybe I'll start to feel again.

Maybe I won't, but hey, worth trying,

Right? Cuz maybe it's not the end.

Maybe things will start to get better,

maybe I'll start to feel again.

Maybe I'll find the truthful answers

to why and how I'm struggling.

Some moments come that feel better,

a few shining moments through the dark.

They remind me not to just race on forward

but to sit and enjoy the here and now.

Make the most of it while you can

cuz someday it will all change

and you'll wish you hadn't lived in sorrow

but stopped in the moment and felt again.

The people are there, they want to help you.

Let them. You'll see that it can help.

No one should face this life on their own.

No one should hide their pain in their shell.

I know it feels hopeless, it has for me too,

or numb or broken or empty

or all of the above, but you know what?

It doesn't have to stay that way.

Reach out to those who are trustworthy,

they might even help you feel again.

I know that it's scary, you don't really want to.

But hiding is weakness, revealing takes strength.