Feelings

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Feelings for him are always the same why does it have to be like this. 

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if i had never met him and if i had of made it to were i was alone all the time he WAS my BESTFRIEND but, I guess  I will try and get over you.

Hopefully it works hopefully i can make it through the next few years without crying. I can hold back tears but, i don't think it will work but i can try i can just let go but i can't promise maybe this is what happens when you fall for a none believer.

When you were being a none believer it hurt me and now that you are i feel he should show it maybe I am hopeing and dreaming way to much and maybe i just need to let go of everything.

IT HURTS ME! I feel like i just need to give up on you.

How can I keep these tears from just streaming down my face and keep me from hurting,harming,fearing...

OR so they think, truth is there is a side to me no one else has ever seen before and I need to hide these fears and feelings.

I need to stop crying, put down the harmful instrument and look at my arms, pray for guidance in my life and control over these feelings of fear,stress, depression and anxiety.

This is me. I am one of a kind the one you see in the hall that puts on a fake smile because she doesn't understand that people care.

How can I understand when all the faces I see are faces that don't make any sense to me.

I am not supported everywhere I look people are saying... "that shirt is so gay." ," dude that is gay." or my favorite, "Oh yeah let me tell you I am totally bisexual,gay,trans,lesbian." with sarcasm I mean come on people there is no way you can say I support you when you do that.

I am sorry when I walk through the halls and hear those I cry inside.

I am not the type to say that I can because honestly I don't think I can.

Lets try this, I keep trying to hold back these tears, put down that blade that causes me so much pain, I do what I can in my life to keep my strength up but dear oh dear nothing works.

So, I can't hold back the tears anymore ,and putting down that razor or keeping things bottled upjust don't help.

I am the one that is meant to be understood but hunny I am not. I am always misunderstood looked at weird I am not the one they care about.

I am just another NOBODY in this world of NOBODY'S

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