Feelings Change

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Funny thing- last night, we were talking about an old argument we had.

I laughed and said "Isn't it great that right now, none of that matters to us anymore

but back then, it must have meant the world to us?"

Last night, we were so happy. 

But tonight.... Tonight we're right back where we used to be. 

Fighting about something that apparently doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things,

even though right now- of course it's the only thing that matters. 

How did we go from being so happy last night to this tonight????

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We used to hang out every day. You were my best friend. 

From the moment I got out of school to the moment I had to go to bed,

I was at your house. We talked about everything. Almost never a quiet moment.

I remember the night I found your meth pipe in my aunt's basement.

I knew you smoked it. But there? In my aunt's house-- with children and a family--

all of them at your risk?

Of course I was livid. I didn't know what to think. 

And now.... we don't talk anymore. I avoid your house but I know you're home. 

I just don't know how to act around you. Have I changed that much that I wouldn't

know how to talk or act around you?

What happened to us?

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I often say that you saved me. Well, not so often anymore. But I still believe it. 

You changed my life for the better, but now, we might as well be burdens to each other.

We always talk about how we miss the nights we used to stay up way too late

talking about literally anything that came to mind. 

But we don't make the effort to talk to each other anymore. 

You're 'too busy' and me, well, I just go to my room.

That and the fact that I can't talk to you anymore.

You're really religious, and I'm really gay.

I love you, but god damn you drive me nuts. I kinda hate you at the same time.

Why can't I wait to get away from you?

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I used to tell the both of you everything. 

I loved being at your house; I was there as much as I could be.

But now, I can't help but judge you both. 

The way you do things and how you treat people.

And that stops me from wanting to share my life with you.

I don't want to talk about my problems or successes with you.

You guys just piss me off. 

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