Fighting the fear

I am never going to be able to stop fighting the fear.

Fear has shaped me into the person I am right now in this very moment.

Fear is what kept me awake all of those nights for years on end.

Fear that I'm unable to veer from the way I process my thoughts.

Fear that the nightmares will never suppress.

The fear of having to pick myself up off the floor for the millionth time because no one is going to do it for me. Crying into my pillow again so no one will hear me sobbing.    The fear of resorting back to the dreadful place in my head I wish I had never been in the first place. The place I had worked so hard to get away from and the person I worked so hard to not be.

Fear is a parasite, biting and burrowing into its host without consent.

If you ignore a parasite it will eat you from the inside out.

I have a fear of myself and who I am petrified to become again.  

How do you fight a fear of yourself?

You don’t

Fear is a deep rooted human instinct to survive

Fear keeps you safe and alive

Fear helps you zero in on the goals you make for yourself

Fear coerces you into being aware of your decisions and actions

Fear identifies when you are about to break through your comfort zone

I will not continue to fight fear instead I will impose upon it.