Fighting to find love

At first I thought love didn't exist, because I tried so many ways to win people's hearts for them to love me. I didn't understand what people meant by settling for less, I thought they just trying to make life more difficult, I was just busy hunting for the right people into my life. Till the day I went to visit my parents in the village I would normally take a novel with, not that I love reading but cause I wanted to improve my writing skills, plus my accent sucked. I felt not good enough. One morning I took a walk in the forest and it was during rainy season, it was beautifully green plus the sound of the birds gave me chills, it was just a great feeling. I layed down on the ground in the middle of some tall trees and started reading my novel, It was so quiet and just peaceful I dropped my novel and closed my eyes allowed my body just to feel the wetness of the sand, the birds sang more louder, and I just kept breathing and breathing. I started asking myself who am I? What kind of love do I want, is it a boyfriend love, friendship, parents love,sister love and what am I missing from getting this love. First thing you need to do before wanting to be loved , love yourself. Find that one thing you love doing. Know your worth before wanting other's to know what you worth. I needed time for myself and as I continued doing this over and over again I realised I needed to find what am worth. What I love most, so I could give it to myself, I love running which I struggled with at first cause I lacked self confidence I was fat, short with big boobs. So I would always think of what people would say when they see me. But guess what now I don't even mind when people mock me by calling me names such as flat ass or shorty. Running boosts my self confidence, whenever I feel down I would run and take a shower and meditate on what am worth and what I love about myself or just lie down and breath in and out. I love being alone in a quiet place but preferably at the beach with not much noise just the sound of the sea, and just lay down and close my eyes. I love seeing the sun go down it's breath taking and looking at it, I tell myself, well done another day has gone by don't regret anything you did wrong it's all part of the day instead learn from it. Only you can love yourself, love your own company. Am a believer and I spend most of time reading the Bible too. Love is not a relationship it's not marriage, it's not friendship. Love is you. How you treat yourself is how you treat others and that's how you will be treated. It doesn't work the other way around of whereby you try to please people do them favours and put yourself last no. That's why you will always want to be accepted blame people for not being there while you were there for them.