Fighting For You

As I was fighting for you, I realized I was fighting to be lied too,

Fighting to be denied to put my heart inside you,

Fighting to be cheated and be lied too,

Fighting so no other can be beside you,

Stupidly I denied whoever tried to tell me something different,

No, I couldn’t let them.

Couldn’t let them replace everything I fought for,

Couldn’t use my gut to walk out the door,

Over the very threshold you carried me over and told me “Baby, I’ll never neglect you.”

Over the same threshold that I believed you,

Over that very threshold where you said, “I’ll protect you.”

And all the while, time was pressing by,

Your words grew faint and your actions betrayed my eyes

But then I betrayed my own sight so I couldn’t see your deception

Hoping that one day god would drop me off a blessing,

One that would re-open up your calcified heart,

But wishing for that was like throwing darts without a chart,

Those darts flew into my soul, causing deeper tears and tremors

But I kept fighting to get you back, even though we shared the same bed, but where was your heart at?

 

I won’t deny I wasn’t the perfect wife,

Perfect lover, perfect cleaner, which is a perfect wife

Sometimes I’d tell you that I wasn’t in the mood,

So I guess that sorta changed when you stopped touching your food

I feel like I could’ve done better to play my part

Just tell me how to do better when we’re world’s apart?

And I’m still looking into your empty eyes,

Tell me how it feels to hear about all my fights?

 

It wasn’t a physical thing, it was all spiritual

So spiritful it had me feeling like I was mental

And when I’d ask you questions, you wouldn’t respond

Or give me short-handed answers like a shallow pond

Had me thirsting for more so I desperately fought,

Fought for lies that would only break my heart

You won’t understand how disappointed I am,

Maybe you do because I kept fighting for you to be my “perfect man”

And now I recall the look on my daddy’s eyes, he told me “Baby girl, he ain’t the one”

But I ignored his strife

I kept fighting to think this love was real

It turned out to be cliche anime love- unrequited

 

I don’t understand why I kept fighting to be hurt again

Probably because I thought it was love and I couldn’t lose it

Couldn’t lose my love or my piece a mind

But fuck that, it was such a fucking waste of time

The love I gave was never yours to take or borrow,

Don’t come crying back to me, I won’t have any sorry

Fuck your lies, fuck your shadiness, and fuck how you took me for granted too

Fuck my self pity, fuck my weakness, and fuck my fight for you

I got tired of being ruled by you,

Always thinking, contemplating life and death over you

I really thought saying this would cause a broken heart

But it can’t break because we’re already worlds apart

I’m done fighting for crooked lies and weak alibis,

I’m fighting to have no more tears and a better life

 

 

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