Filter

I use a filter

Preferably one that mutes colors

Because that’s trendy these days

The filter makes me look so perfect and flawless

As if my life was an Instagram post

Seeing how many likes and comments I can get

Wanting validation from people who I barely know

And always fearing judgment from them 

When someone tells me that I’m “smart” or “pretty”

It brightens my day

But sometimes I wonder if I’m truly happy this way

A compliment here and there never hurt anyone

But I also wonder if I’m truly deserving of them

I have to admit that I do the same to others

Giving out compliments 

Like someone distributing flyers on a sidewalk

Once I’m surrounded by the closest people in my life

My filter is off

Raising the level of brightness

Of the once dull and muted colors

I know more words than just “yes”, “no”, and “thank you”

My friends tell me that I can be really clingy and clueless at times

And I know for a fact that I’m super indecisive

As I’m the type of person to change my decisions last minute

My friends must be annoyed at me 

Because I constantly ask them for advice and input

I can be a sensitive person, taking a lot of things personally

And even though I don’t want to admit it

I can be insensitive without realizing it sometimes

These are the things that are hidden from my followers

When my filter is on

The difference between the “pretend” me and the “real” me

Is similar to sunrise and sunset which is not all that different

I’m still the same person at the end of the day

Just carefully choosing the sides that I show and conceal

And I’m completely okay with that