Find Myself`

FIND MYSELF

Late at night

I toss and turn

Wondering how when and if I will ever learn

How to love commit and be the person that I have always wanted to be

Instead of being the person that everyone sees me to be

I feel I have to find myself

Grind for myself

Love myself

Respect myself

And hang the old me up on the shelf

I’ve became the people that hurt me

That never deserved me

That claimed they loved me

But never was worth it

I mean

I have to find myself

No new friends in the words of drake

Gotta find myself because I know nobody’s looking for me

I smile when really on the inside I’m as unhappy as can be

For once I just wish y’all would see me instead of looking through me

If only you can see how many times I’ve silenced my cries

But today I’m bringing my soul back to life because on thee inside I’ve died

TBH Now that we’re being honest

I was never really happy with my size

These stretch marks and all this meat on my thighs

Please excuse me if I cry

But honestly can you just look me in my eyes and not just criticize

If the shoe doesn’t fit please DON’T wear it

I’m just trying to find myself

Yes I am admitting

And yeah I know nobody said that life would be glitter and gold

But I feel like my whole life has been so ice cold

Oh yea since I’m still being honest

I’m ready to take of this mask

I’m ready to stop pretending even though nobody asked

They say beauty is skin deep

But why do I feel so ugly

I hate how all my life nobody liked me because I was chubby

But who really ask for shit like this nope it’s not funny

I didn’t ask to have short hair

I didn’t ask for all of this tummy

But I know god wouldn’t give me what I couldn’t handle

That’s why I’m finding myself

Oh and yea I’m still being honest

I’ve never really had a first love

But I’ve been in plenty of situation ships using the L word

I hate to be alone

Yes I’m the hopeless romantic

But In the words of Wayne I could never figure out how to love

Why because too many people have taken my heart for granted

And this poem might be a little dramatic

But I’m just trying to find myself

As if I we’re an addict

The more I find myself the more people I keep losing

So please if you’re not in on my journey keep on cruising

Because I’m not looking to get anymore bruises

I just want to find myself and I need real friends and fam to help me stay true to this

Help me to find the beauty within

So with that being said

I’m closing the last chapter so my new book can begin