Finding Fear in Weird Places

Finding Fear in Weird Places

By Mikaela Byrd

I’m afraid of what I desire

I’m afraid of burning in fire

I’m afraid that I’m a liar

And I don’t really care

I’m afraid of being a failure

And that my life is tailored

There is no escaping this life

And I’m a fixed point in time

Everything that I love can be taken away by responsibility

And my humility

And my fear of disappointing

I have disappointed me

Searching for my place in this world

Because I may not like the place I’ve been given

And even if I find it

It won’t last because I will be disappointed

I have disappointed me

A fixed point in time

If I could sing, I would sing a love ballad to an empty dinner table

If I could dance, I would dance on the speeding highways of rush hour

If I could cry it would be for a good reason, not because I saw my reflection in my laptop screen

I use to write poetry so I could be heard

Now I write so no one can hear me

Silence

Like screaming through a pen, silence

Like waiting for the end, silence

Like I don’t trust my friend's, silence

Like no one is there

But then I revel in the comedown

Filling just a little bit bolder

I let the panic pass

And roll off my shoulder

I’m bigger than these exerts and inner monologues

Fear just like the weather can bring a heavy fog

But sometimes there's rain

Lightly tapping on your roof

Lulling you to sleep

Like how about this piece, silence

Like allowing myself to be, silence

Like being a stronger me, silence

I pick myself up once more