Finding Happiness

Though happiness is very close,

happiness is hard to find, 

real, true happiness.

Everyone deserves happiness.

I had to start taking risks

without worrying about the consequences,

without second guessing myself,

otherwise, I'd never really know I'm not unhappy,

I'm just normal.

I keep my true feelings to myself.

If I wasn't so helpless, I wouldn't feel so guilty. 

Maybe I'm the one who's afraid. 

I can't let them into my life

I've never fully committed 

because I'm afraid of being rejected.

It's a risk

but how many wonderful things in life 

am I going to miss out on?

Because I'm afraid.

I was miserable and finally snapped

I went to a dark place

Isolation became a problem

and I became an  outcast. 

I've been holding my breath

I'm not giving up, 

because don't see this as a problem.

"I don't think she's happy"

"Of course, she is, we all are"

I want you to be happy 

How the hell did I not see this coming, 

I must have miscalculated. 

My stupidity has cost me my happiness. 

So this is how it ends.

How can I be happy?