Finding Myself
Olisa Emeagwali 7/27/15
Finding Myself
After the terrible events in my life,
I look back and remember every single
Bad event that had happened in my past, and I recall where
My parents were arguing and my siblings were crying because
They thought the family tearing apart.
And now I am in a part of my life where that seems very similar.
Every day I go to church and when it's time to pray, I pray don't let anything
Bad happen to my family and may my grandpa rest in peace.
Those are the only things I’ve been praying for.
Those two.
Now, when I see my parents fighting and attacking each other
With such harsh words, and my siblings crying I start to wonder,
Why Lord, why is my family in pain,
Please stop it.
I pray every Sunday for this and
You are letting it happen,
Why Lord.
And when my mind hits a climax point,
My mind starts to think
Why am I even here?
What is my purpose in life?
What is that thing I am supposed to strife for?
And I think I may have found this answer,
And it might not be the answer you may be looking for,
But my answer truly is to keep on living.
Survive in this cruel, unfair reality that we live in.
When I listen to the news,
All I hear is the tragic events that occur,
But what can I do about it,
All I can do is accept it for what it truly is.
Because in life, things will come out of nowhere,
So fast that, that it knocks the sheer wind out of you
And honestly, all u can do is accept it,
Because by tampering with it all it can really do
Is just make it even worse than it was
Originally before.
And I had to figure that out the hard way.
And after figuring it out,
I wished there was something I could do,
But now years later,
I had to figure out that,
There is truly nothing you
Can do about it.
I have been wondering
If my life was a mistake due
To the actions I took upon
By taking the wrongs paths in life
And it hurts when you realize that
You've been going the wrong way the whole
Time and u need to accept it because there is nothing
You can do about it
Because if you try escaping
From the untangling problems
That will reel u back in.
Then u will be stuck in the web
Just like me.
The webs of pain and misery.
I then realized that this is all me
Just pondering thoughts and questions
And truly I'm trying to figure myself
In this complicated,
Painful,
Suffering,
World that we live in.
I'm trying to figure out how I fit
In this puzzle of a world,
And yet I'm puzzled that I'm not such
Of importance in this world but there is nothing
That I can do about, because one thing that everyone
On this planet is doing similar,
Trying to adapt in this crazy world.
And this whole time I've been trying to figure where I
Fit in the world but I'm probably too naïve
To figure out yet.
I guess the purpose of growing up is to realize where
You fit.
But I guess as I'm growing up
I have to accept certain things I can't
Disagree to, but truly who knows,
Because to be honest the only thing I've been
Doing is finding myself.
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