FINE LINE

I hate to know I battle Depression, I wake up everyday in isolation, not knowing where to go, or who to be. I had some people to tell me to smile more, and all the pain will go away. It's easier said than done, I can't just crack a smile for my inner thoughts to dissappear. Even if I did, if I lost my mind, I would be more scared. I rather think hard about my situations, than not think at all. Sweeping your demons under the rug only makes them stronger. It makes you more vulnerable when times get darker. That's why I sit my corner and vent. I can't pretend to enjoy a life I don't live. I can't get on social media posting pictures of me smiling. Because that hurts more. I'm not going to lie to anyone in any shape or form. What you read everytime I post is me. This is what I feel on the daily. I can't sleep in peace. I have to take night quill just to get some sleep. Waking up in the same nightmare that's on repeat. Some of you think I'm weak, because a man shouldn't feel these types of thoughts, a real man would brush it off. For the one's that say that, you're the reason why suicide is raw. Because of your selfish thoughts. I'm not like the rest of you, I can't just wake up, and brush it off. Then go to the beach in Florida, and act like my life is perfect. I don't play with my happiness like the media. I rather vent everytime I rift, instead of living in a black mist. I can't resist. This is who I am, no matter how hard I try to change, imma always relapse back into this cave. It sucks when you try to escape yourself, knowing you can't. Knowing the only time you can escape yourself is through this. Writing your life away everyday you live. This is my only friend, so I can't quit it. Even if I did, I would just keep coming back to it, like an addiction. It sucks when you don't know anymore, if you have a soul of a soldier, or you sold your soul. It's a fine line that'll always run cold, no matter how far I go, I will never know, If my soul was sold. Or If I am a warrior's soul.