The Finicky Greek Woman

I don't need a Hercules who is in love with himself I don't need a Zeus who will just prop me up on the shelf I don't want Hermes since he's always on the run Dionysus is a partier, and there's a such thing as way too much fun Don't give me Poseidon since I can't breathe underwater Even my kids will think I'm crazy when I answer why they can't visit their father Apollo seems neat if you leave out all his crazy exes He dated the goddess of witchcraft and I don't feel like receiving hexes Ares, god of war, might just try to kill me And even Hephaestus's mom, when he was born, thought he was ugly I don't need these gods or any of these deities I want to find a man, and definitely not a Hercules