First

What I am doing is writing

I used to write a lot when I was younger

What I am doing is wasteing

I thought I would have been further when I was younger

What I am doing is trying

I never put in any effort when I was younger

Fuck being younger,

now I am older and realize that nothing is fantasized and everyone is normalized

Seeking for torment,

I see all the vital signs but decide to do otherwise because I met you. 

Fuck being older

Realizing it was all for nothing

Seeking hope

I found hope, but keep it in my back pocket and let the sad thoughts drive

Not everything makes sense, 

and some nonsense is non sensical 

Non sencial could be made up

So could I.