First Kisses

Sometimes I check in with the first girl I kissed, 

Mentally more than physically.

How soft her lips were,

when they brushed against my neck,

and how breathless it felt

to taste someone elses spit.

The first girl I kissed 

scared me to my core.

More than that, 

it made me sore.

I'm still friends with the first boy I kissed,

his mark still on my lips

I still long for that moment when 

I could barely barely realize what had been

and what is. 

His comfortable embrace

I still look for in 

all my new lovers

but they aren't him. 

I've been in like

and hate

and love.

Not much of the last, 

but something I still dream of.

My future is not so clear

but these two firsts

had been met with too much fear.

I hope to god,

or through my might,

that I will feel so strongly

as I did those two nights.