first moving in

They barely even knew me

But, by wanting to adopt me

They truly must have cared

Even wanting to show myself

It’s truly difficult to share

Through all my fears

And all our trials

Through all the doubts

And spiritual battles

They must care

Yet I can’t wrap my mind around that fact!

In a perfect world

I would understand everything,

Everything that I need to understand

Other than the fact of regret

And other than the fact of my doubts

Other than the fact of my self-hatred

And the fear of re-living my ardent past

Can or will I feel that love

The love I should have felt long ago

The everlasting love like Jesus

His heart was pure and kind

I can feel that love from my adoptive parents

Pure, selfless, true, natural, everlasting love

I can feel it

Yet I doubt it

Why am I so selfish

To not accept the love they want to give me

Is it because I am afraid of rejection

The rejection I’ve always gotten

Is it my fault that I am getting adopted

Is it a bad thing to get adopted

How can I know for sure that they love me

How can I know for sure that I am loved

I am just a girl

Why should I be loved

I am not THAT special

I never make things easy

I am a hard to be loved kind of person

I let people down

I get close to them

Yet they don’t get close to me

I am the pure example of a mistake

A mistake that tries

A mistake that wants to hide herself

I am bleak

I am a fearing soul

I am a mistake that wants to succeed

Yet doesn’t succeed

Maybe this family will help me

Help fix this mistake

Just pull through with this walking heartache

Help me succeed

Help me understand myself