At First, But Then, So Now

At first,

When I was with him,

The entire world made sense.

The reason the sky was blue, I undersood.

The vibrations of the Earth's turn, I felt.

At first,

When I was with him,

The way of man made sense.

The reason they fought, I understood.

The reason they cried, I felt.

When I was with him,

The way I was made sense.

The emotions I felt, I understood.

The moments of elation, I felt.

When I was with him,

The ambiguity of it all made sense.

Why some people made it, I understood.

Those people who didn't, I felt.

 But then,

I was no longer with him,

And how we ended didn't make sense.

Why he left, I never understood.

The door as he slammed it behind him, I felt.

I was no longer with him,

And my life no longer made sense.

Why I woke up wasn't quite understood.

Why I couldn't process what it was I felt.

I was no longer with him,

And to my friends, I didn't make sense.

They just never understood.

They didnt know how pain-filled I felt.

I was no longer with him,

And suddenly, I didn't make sense.

I stayed in bed for reasons I misunedrstood.

I complicated the simple emotions I felt.

I was no longer with him,

And things were making sense.

My life is short and my own, I understood.

The love I made for myself, I felt.

So now,

When I'm by myself,

Things continue to make sense.

The way life works, I understand.

When I'm by myself,

Why he left makes sense.

He needed space, and I understand.

When I'm by myself,

What I need makes sense.

I needed to understand,

I needed love for myself to be felt.