Flashback to 2014-15

When the darkness comes I am enveloped

I can’t sleep

I can’t talk

I can’t function

Any and all fight leaves my body

The darkness takes me as I am

Chipping piece by piece off my soul

Until I am raw and exposed

My efforts have been in vain

I feel like falling-- no-- I am falling

Down the deep chasm of my life

Slamming onto the floor, breaking every bone in my body

I feel no pain except fro the echoing in my head

“What will they think?” and “I’m sorry”

I tried my hardest, but my best wasn’t enough

Guilt permeates the air

I fall victim to insomnia-- nightmares

Even my dreams are not safe

Memories and voices

Every day I grow even more tired

My life means nothing to me

Life is difficult

It is a series of roads that I and I alone must choose

The darkness follows, riding on my shadow, fighting its way into my body

Death is the easy way out

I will end there whether it is today or several years from now

I am not afraid of death-- I welcome its embrace

How much longer must I live?

I haven’t been living

This life of anxiety and night is all there is

I can end it right here-- right now

I want to

There is no god, and even if there were, I would surely be admitted into hell

He tells me so in every breath

And I know it deep in my soul

There is no happiness in my future