Flashback to Remember

I remember.
I remember the slammed doors and quiet, lonely "family" dinners
Each tear shed in the corner of my bedroom.
I remember each word you said,
Like a new blow against my already fragile heart.
I remember telling you I love you with no reply,
Just a cold blank expression.
Not that I knew what love was anyways.
I never forgot the way I felt as he entered the guest room, where I lay.
Torture coming back home, too young to form the words,
To tell you what happened.
You noticed enough to know that I didn't want to go back there,
We were supposed to be "family"
I remember hate.
So much hate not towards you but myself.
Remembering each scar and the story that they tell.
Countless hours in the shower of an empty home.
Crying....
Suffering...
Alone.
There as I hated myself while the clear water turned a light shade of red.
My skin still burning from the cold metal's touch.
I was surrounded by lifeless abandonment.
Stuck in a facade so much that I couldn't tell the difference anymore.
There was my moment of truth where I threw it all on the table.
I was broken.
This I knew,
But what I've realized that even though I've suffered in the past and present now.
I did not have to allow that to influence me.

This past year,
With the people around closest to me I found a safe haven,
Somewhere where I feel not so Alone while in the crowd.
That I stand out and not wear my problems on my ripped sleeves.
But can manifest the heartache and pain into a smile with laughter and a good time.

It's the ones that you hold close that make you remember,

Not the bad but the good.

I remember all the late night phone calls,

When I couldn't sleep.

The countless hours just to help me as time passed by.

I remember all the laughs we shared during the hardest parts of my life.

Confiding in you,

Trusting and strengthening our bond.

Never will I forget how you helped me with something I feared most,

You helped me to believe again.

When my faith wavered,

You were there like a dam against my strong tides.

Keeping me sane and being the ammunition to fire the spirits in me.

You saw me when I was blind to myself.

Helping me to realize this year and years to come,

Will have downfalls but along that will be the best moments of my life.

This marks a change ,

A change in heart, spirit, and mind.

As they all join as one

One common goal,

To remember.

Not the bad but the good, and

Not what's come to past, but what will.

You thought you knew me but,

You never made it out of the interrgation room.

Looking back at yourself as if you were me,

Not realizing that distorted image is yours.

This life you look back on is a reflection of your pain.

I remember,

Do you?