Folded

Folded 

The moment I laid eyes on you my heart jumped and my knees buckled I almost folded up like a lawn chair from the excitement in my gut

There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by in 9 months that I didn’t notice how you smell and how soft your hair was

How you have the smile wrinkles at the corners of your eyes

I love all your unfolded T-shirts’ - they remind me of all your inner turmoil  you’ve neglected to deal with 

I stare at you in wonder mostly -

What goes thru his head- what drives him- is he ever really in there or is he just in his dream land where I’m not invited -

I try to get even a moments glimpse into his heart- sometimes I think I see it but he quickly sees me looking and pulls away- that’s when I’m folded- folded in two like the baby blue towel on my bath rack- folded in half like a dollar bill in his wallet- just waiting and wondering when he will give me away-

It’s like he’s always a slight fingertip slip away from being with me emotionally- he may physically be there- but emotionally he’s nowhere to be found - that’s when I’m folded and I fall to the ground -

I strive every moment I’m with him to comfort him so he can see it’s okay- 

It’s okay to be vulnerable with me because I know pain

• I’m folded in love with someone I don’t really know- all the mystery that surrounds him keeps me afloat-
• I’m folded inside out when my heart breaks after he gives me a giant verbal shove 
• I try to run away because I know the pain all to well- I know it will happen again - I fear being empty handed- 
• I’m folded sitting here thinking of what could of been what might be what if’s and when’s - what can I do to fix this what game do I have to play to win this- I just want him to love me like I adore him-
• And that’s why I’m folded