The Forest's Inhibitions

Location

Lost in a forest of expectations
Man made and stretching for miles
I sit down to rest
Or, better yet, to find solace within myself 
I reflect on the journey that led me here
It was filled with anguish and cause and love and foolishness
I truly believed It would be mine
That I could conquer the kingdom of necessity and rise to the occasion 
I am alone in failure but also in triumph
And my hands are cramping 
Wallowing under the pressure of being forced into fists of tension for too long
I smile because this feeling
This fear right here provides me with clarity
All I need to do is find my purpose
To reevaluate my life     
Mark Twain once said
"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why"
I am still waiting on my second day
I lay down on rotted leaves and blackened mud
My heart beats reverberate throughout my body and tingle my soul
In my 16 years I've learned a lot about myself
But I've also unlearned a lot
I'm constantly changing
For the better, for the worse 
Either way I love this evolution I find myself going through
I think that may be because I'm unhappy with my purest form
It's not as pure as I'd like it to be
There's something missing
I'd like to find
But I'm scared I will not
How do I articulate that I'm scared,
Without knowing exactly what it is that keeps me trembling out tears?
It may be too simple to say I am afraid of the dark
But I think that suffices
I'm afraid of the uncertainty 
Of the imaginative peril that maybe could happen
Of losing myself or realizing I was never found in the first place
I fear the dark
But I also fear light
Of becoming exposed to the brinks of exile
Light means there's no where to hide
I can't allow that
I'm in need of a happy medium
Like in the middle dusk, right?
Not even half way into the the sun set
Where everything is magical
Filled with pinks and purples and just enough absence of light to mask despair 
But enough presence of light to make it visible to those who pay attention
I hear a noise
Rapid foot steps every which way
It seems they come closer and closer forever 
It's a stampede of wild deer
Their movements hold so much grace and beauty that I close my eyes
I cannot stand it
But then I open my eyes because why should anyone look away and deny themselves of such a sight?
I see a fawn struggling behind
No one is helping them
They run awkwardly
Their limbs are new and unrefined 
Quickly space begins to separate this young child of the forest from the elders
They stop near me
They looked scared
I bet so do I
I hear what they were running from
A bullet rings out of my new friends gangly and small body
I get up to pick them up
Only to fall to the ground and lay their head in my lap 
I say a prayer
It seems only right
I look up and see the shooter
He has eyes like mine
Twinkling and hopeful
I believe he doesn't see any wrong in his actions
And I don't know if he should
All I know is that this fawn
Will never make it out of the forest to find their second day
This poem is about: 
Me
My community
Our world

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