Forgive Me...

I sit in my room, feeling empty as usual. Crying out for help; I have yet to recieve any. I'm use to it now.

You try your hardest. Stop! I'm in too deep. I mean, I can't even remember the last time i've had a good night's rest.

I stay awake and cut and cry and cut some more. No one notices. No one cares. I hide my wounds well. I hide the pain.

What makes me feel this way? Maybe it's my low self esteem brought on by four years of bullying. Perhaps it could be my mistakes you constantly remind me of. Maybe it's just all in my head, you know? It could be the toll that my life takes on my mind.

I'm not quite sure why i've been depressed this long. Maybe... Just maybe. Tonight might just be the night I will decide that it will all end. 

Sitting here in pain, not physical, no. Emotional. Waiting for the day I can finally feel whole.

I'm sorry i've put you through hell with my constant mistakes. I'm sorry i'm not the perfect girl you've always wanted. I'm sorry this appology is so late.

I've been calling out, to no avail. I remain unheard, unnoticed. 

I'm sorry I can't express myself. I'm sorry I can't learn.

What can't I learn? I can't learn when to stop, learn when to shut up. I can't learn to let go, and because of that, you have begun to feel my pain.

I'm sorry if i've frightened you. I'm sorry that my battle scars have made you cry. I'm sorry that you feel I don't care, and I am sorry I don't know how to show you how much I really do.

Maybe I do need a doctor. Let's find out what's wrong. Something is wrong with me. I know because whatever goes wrong is always my fault. 

I'm sorry that i've failed you. I'm sorry that I cry with little to no explination.

You know what...? Forget it. The doctor can't help

Maybe I should continue to fake a smile. The only one hurt would be me, not you, not anyone else.

As long as you think i'm fine.

I'm sure you'll believe that lie for another three years.

Yea... Let's do that. I'll put up a front to keep you content.

I'm sorry mom. I love you, I do. But this must be done. In order to protect you

From me...