Forgiveness?

It's so tiring to keep holding on
and let this anger control me,
walk all over me,
consume me with the fumes
that come from a flaming stubborn heart.
It's tiring that my automatic response is doubt and intolerance...
that by just hearing or seeing
I am overcome with resentment.
But what's most tiring is that I don't want to let go.
I can't.
Because as soon as I do
you have no consequences,
you have a sense of freedom,
of permission,
of no responsibility.
If I let go, you win.
You're realeased from your sin and you'll give in to the temptation
of being forgiven.
So why let go?
I think I'm too tenacious to even try to admit that I know the answer.
I know what's right
but I'm still tryna fight it...
I don't want them to come out winners.
I just want to keep them bonded in my feelings which have got me exhausted.
It's so tiring to keep holding on.