Forgiving

I wish to find myself among the angels, I wish to die a martyr, I wish for God to forgive my sins, And for the soft mold of forgiveness to cool my scarred hands, I wish that I could forgive myself, I hope and dream that God won't hate me, Trying not to conform to society, I hope that I can forgive myself, No matter how many times I feel the relief of praying, I still commit sins again, Even though he says it's impossible, I wish to never sin, Imagining the sadness in his features, Hurting my heart, and mind, I wish to never bring God this pain, Of knowing I still sin, Forever I will want forgiveness, Forever God will give it kindly, And like a child I take it in handfuls, Without my manners having taught me, I wish forever for forgiveness, Though I always have it right behind me, I cannot bring myself to forgive, For every single sin that has blinded me