Forgiving

Forgiving I forgive you. I remember you. I remember all you have done, to me, to my mom, to our family, what you did to God. You have broken “this” and “that” relationship. You broke me down, just to build me up, and repeat the heart wrenching, painful process. You have pained me. You have made me suffer. You took my heart and burned it in the pipe you smoked out of. You dumped the ashes of my heart and put it in water and watched me float, Just to make me sink later. I watched you abuse my mother. I prayed for you to stop. I prayed for you to leave. I prayed for you to stay. I prayed for you to be forgiven. I have forgiven you. You watched as I bled, Watched as I cried. You watched while I crumbled inside. You didn't help it stop, you helped it linger and repeat. I forgive you for beating my mom, I forgive you for mentally abusing my mom as well. I forgive you for physically and mentally abusing me. I forgive you. I love you. I will always love you. I forgive you for the pain you put me though. I forgive you for being a bastard. I forgive you for the nights i sat in my bedroom crying, praying to God and asking him “why?” Why you couldn’t be a normal dad. A loving and selfless dad. I forgive you for choosing the pipe and crime over me. I forgive you for putting dope first. I forgive you. I hate that I forgive you. You don’t deserve forgiveness, But I forgive you. I forgive you I forgive you. I forgive you for being my “father”.