Forlorn

I am forlorn

I allow my studies to consume my entire being,

A way of sidestepping true feelings

I tread through life pretending,

Pretending that I am joyous or pleased

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I surround myself with people,

Not wanting to face myself. 

I am Forlorn

Everyday I put on my disguise,

Throw up my iron walls

For none shall pass,

None shall penetrate the real me

The fear of who I really am,

That fear that haunts my soul

What if the person I so desperately want to be,

Is not who I really am? 

I am forlorn

My forsaken eyes no longer see happiness or wonder,

Their focus of death and dismay

No longer a prance in my stride,

The unwillingness to place right in front of left

My head is not high, my shoulders are not back,

No longer do I welcome the day with open arms

I am forlorn for the time

I shan't sing in the shower,

Nor dance in my underwear

I shan’t embrace friendship

Nor the love of another

I shan’t allow myself to forget those joyous memories

For I hold them with tight fists until that faithful day

When I finally decide to expel forlorn from my life,

The day when I am completely and utterly joyous