Four Letter Words

I have a love-hate relationship

with certain four letter words.

The kind of words that sent you,

tail tucked in between your legs

to the principal's office in the 2nd grade.

I'm talking about the kind of words

that you though make you

cool in middle school

the kind of words that shouted to the world

that you were no longer a chile

but an adult.

You coun't wait for innocence 

to be speared by a serrated javelin

bleeding from hardships

that Elmo never taught you.

I refuse to speak those words,

the repugnant filth of the English language

not because I am more moral

or any better than you

but because I am waiting.

I am waiting for the right moment,

the time in life when a situation

is so cruel, so painful, so raw

that I have no other alternative.

I, a wounded beast,

backed against a wall and a hard place

against cliches and years without showing

my unblemished blade

a figurative saber dormant for so many years,

zeal unsurpassed by

the blurred weapons of my enemies

drawn since the 2nd grade. 

This is the moment

when I will finally be ready

to unlease with venom

my four letter words.