Keep searching for the lyrics of a broken heart
But no words can really express the pain that I feel
No one will ever understand the life I have lived
So I am left here to write this myself.
I'm left to explain why I'm crying
On my porch at 2 in the morning
Looking to the stars in the sky for some guidance
Cursing myself for still smoking these respatory killers.
I can't keep my mind from wandering to our old memories
Wishing we could go back to when I was still seven,
When you were my hero,
Took me away from everyday abuse,
I felt so alone.
You used to be the inspiration of my heart
My will to keep fighting my own depression to make you proud.
You used to root me on
Bragging to all of your friends about your little girl
So how can you just turn your back on me?
Did my mentality become too much for you?
You always wanted me to open up to you.
Were those just empty words?
Was it always an act?
What would you care, because you never listened.
Mom and Dad was all I ever knew
Momma already did me wrong
I never thought you, and so much worse.
But I guess maybe you were the reason all along,
Why I could never trust anyone.
Always making excuses for your hateful words and actions,
Justifying why you treated me wrong while no one was watching
Then go drown your sorrows down a bottle
Convincing yourself you never had a problem
So how do you explain all the mental scars
And the holes in the wall from your angry fists?
I know they say they take love out on the ones you love the most.
That's why I stayed so long,
You set my standards so low for love.
I could never love myself.
So I fell for someone who never loved me at all
I tried to convince myself for way too long
Becauses that's what you did, you had me fooded
You convinced me over and over,
You convinced me.
Yet I still want to say sorry,
And it makes me sick!
How am I supposed to just let that go?
Did you forget how it felt
When your father left you?
I don't even think about having kids
Not because they won't even know who you are
But because if I thought for a second
About treating them the way you treated me
I could never forgive myself.
I never thought it'd come to this
Having to drown out the thought of you
To maybe get some sleep tonight
And all I can think about
Is how you looked right through me.
I wasn't even a daughter.
There I go again, now it's time to get ready for work.
Another restless night, without any sleep.
Thank you father for showing me that I must let you go.