Fraudulent Father

Keep searching for the lyrics of a broken heart

But no words can really express the pain that I feel

No one will ever understand the life I have lived

So I am left here to write this myself.

 

I'm left to explain why I'm crying

On my porch at 2 in the morning

Looking to the stars in the sky for some guidance

Cursing myself for still smoking these respatory killers.

 

I can't keep my mind from wandering to our old memories

Wishing we could go back to when I was still seven, 

When you were my hero,

Took me away from everyday abuse,

I felt so alone.

 

You used to be the inspiration of my heart

My will to keep fighting my own depression to make you proud. 

You used to root me on

Bragging to all of your friends about your little girl

So how can you just turn your back on me?

Did my mentality become too much for you?

You always wanted me to open up to you.

Were those just empty words?

Was it always an act?

What would you care, because you never listened.

 

Mom and Dad was all I ever knew

Momma already did me wrong

I never thought you, and so much worse.

But I guess maybe you were the reason all along, 

Why I could never trust anyone.

 

Always making excuses for your hateful words and actions,

Justifying why you treated me wrong while no one was watching

Then go drown your sorrows down a bottle

Convincing yourself you never had a problem

So how do you explain all the mental scars

And the holes in the wall from your angry fists?

I know they say they take love out on the ones you love the most.

That's why I stayed so long,

You set my standards so low for love.

 

I could never love myself.

 

So I fell for someone who never loved me at all

I tried to convince myself for way too long

Becauses that's what you did, you had me fooded

You convinced me over and over, 

You convinced me.

 

Yet I still want to say sorry,

And it makes me sick!

 

How am I supposed to just let that go?

Did you forget how it felt

When your father left you?

I don't even think about having kids

Not because they won't even know who you are

But because if I thought for a second

About treating them the way you treated me

I could never forgive myself. 

 

I never thought it'd come to this

Having to drown out the thought of you

To maybe get some sleep tonight

And all I can think about

Is how you looked right through me.

 

I wasn't even a daughter. 

 

There I go again, now it's time to get ready for work.

Another restless night, without any sleep.

Thank you father for showing me that I must let you go. 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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