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Mon, 12/16/2013 - 16:09 -- Alirae

 

Tiptoeing past my shame,

Where once again,

I start to question if I’m worthy

To eat that extra slice,

To role the dice

To tell me if I’d ever pull off “curvy.”

 

Smiles watch me now;

They start to bow

To the girl so fair and stunning,

Who but ten pounds ago

They wouldn’t know,

So she just pushed on with her running.

 

Staring at her now,

I wonder how

She ever kept herself intact

With endless times of crying,

Sobbing, sighing,

Pushing with the body she attacked.

 

Head so light despite the weight

Beneath her that stared back with hate,

Hunger burning constantly,

Reminding her why she couldn’t eat.

Too weak. Too large. Not frail enough.

Not quite as tough as she ought to be.

Six miles. Log weight. Log intake. Work more.

Thank you, God, for saving me.

 

Speaking to the mirrors,

I face my fears;

I face the tears in my reflection

That tell me what to think

Or what to eat

Or how to handle life’s rejections.

Screaming at my past

I hear a gasp

And find my own mouth bursting open

As my lungs fill up with air,

I stop my cares

And hear my Maker’s soft correction.

 

I was made to live.

How can I give

Up what must sustain me?

I was meant to breathe

And not to seethe

At the slopes that won’t obey me.

I don’t have to fight

To end up light

So I’ll be worthy of my bread.

I don’t have to accept

Those without concept

That loveliness begins within my head.

 

Speaking Your sweet words,

My iffy curves

Slip from my focal point

‘Till all that I can hear,

All I hold dear

Are the thoughts of words You anoint.

My Father holds me close,

And with the Ghost,

I’m comforted again.

I start to finally breathe;

I start to dream.

I start to wake from my old vision.

 

Choosing what is real,

I surrender my reality,

Trusting the only eyes

That could ever see me clearly.

And finally, I surrender my control.

I give up my hate.

And I choose to see You,

My Hope.

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