Freedom in Jesus

Controlled by fear, I was unable to break free.

Unable to break free of the chains holding me.

Mom screamed. Dad collapsed, his body paralyzed with pain.

My vision blurred with tears. And my mind? It went blank.

Probing lights danced across my tear-filled eyes as

They took him away

Weeks passed and he was still there.

I tried not to worry. But what if?

What if he died? What if I’m stuck with mom?

These questions flooded my thoughts.

And… I started to sink.

Controlled by fear, I was unable to break free.

Unable to break free of the chains holding me.

My brother came home. Released from jail… again.

He told me he changed. He told me he was clean.

A week later, I noticed his arms.

The wounds were fresh.

I searched his eyes when he told me he loved me,  

when he told me that he would do anything for his little sister.

But I couldn’t find him. I couldn’t see my brother.

And… the waves got higher.

Controlled by fear, I was unable to break free.

Unable to break free of the chains holding me.

The familiar smell of alcohol trailed behind her.

Mom was drunk again. I tried to ignore it.

I slammed my door, hoping to block it all.

My room being my only escape.

Behind those closed door, I hid.

I hid my pain. I hid the tears.

With things bottled up, I thought I was fine.

Then… mom left.

She left and she took my happiness with her.

Everything was gone. And I wasn’t fine…

I was drowning.

Controlled by fear, I was unable to break free.

Unable to break free of the chains holding me.

I looked in the mirror and I stared at the shattered pieces.

My heart, my mind… my soul.  

Everything was broken and I was crumbling.

I focused on the pile of pills gripped in my shaking hands.

My hand rose toward my mouth. I was ready to end it.

But. I froze. I threw the pills down and I remembered.

I had forgotten the very thing I’ve known all along.

I had forgotten the love, the love of Jesus Christ.

I forgot the fact that He saved me and that I am not alone.

I am loved and I have worth in His eyes.

Because of Him, I am not a slave to fear.

Because of HIm, I am not drowning.

Controlled by fear no longer, I broke free.

Jesus saved me.