The Frustration of Finding Myself

Ever felt completely shitty

like anything you ever did,

do,

or going to do is just worthless.

You can't really cry anymore

cause you found no real use for tears

so you kinda just lay in the dark

with water building up in your eyes

thinking about "Wtf is wrong with me"

"Why aren't I happy ? "

"Everything around me is going good why df can't I appreciate it?"

"Why should I even bother doing this and that?"

and then you just close your eyes ,right

hoping that all those negative thoughts go away

but guess what

they never do

You can't really enjoy being happy anymore

because once you get by yourself those bitches come back

almost like it's haunting you .

It's sad that generation after generation in my family

all the woman have been fucked up mentally and emotionally .

I thought that maybe I was getting somewhere

which everyone thinks I am

since of what they see on the outside

but the inside is becoming a dark place

once again

and I'm running out light before I get to my super depressed stateI

again

Im not really happy with anything

anymore

I feel like most of the people I've gotten close to are all basically

horrible people

but

I'm too scared of being alone, so stay around and deal with it

I feel like I've had to play this "part"

all my life

and now I have no fucking idea who I am.

I dont know what I really like

or anything else

cause I haven't been able to experience anything

I know I'm young

but I feel like Ive been on earth purposeless for fucking ever

I just want to be released from this pressure to conform to others opinions and ideas

and really be 

who I am

but I don't know

Who I Am