To: C.C.

 

Hey. It’s me.

After 3 months, I heard you wanted to talk.

So, I’ll go first.

 

First of all,

Fuck you.

The last time we saw each other, I was on my way back to Florida after going to Pennsylvania just to see YOU. The expectation of a great four-day weekend with “my boo” in reality, ended abruptly with me leaving with tears. Rage. Disappointment… And a broken heart.

 And what did you do? What did you do after ALL this time? Nothing.

Now before you start rolling your eyes, YOU decided to reach out to me, so hear me out.

You made me feel like shit when I was with you, no exaggeration. Being with you made me lose the whole essence of myself. I began the year with the bright glow of a confident, carefree girl, but as it when on, the glow slowly began to dim. You never realized when you were wrong unless someone other than I, called you out on it. You never really listened or thought about what I said to you when we talked. You deliberately chose other girls over me, three times, and yet I kept running back to you. You didn’t genuinely appreciate my presence or my actions until I was gone. You didn’t want me until someone else did. Every time I tried to cut you off, you were able ease your way back in because I only wanted you. The good times were great, I cherished them; that’s what had me hooked. You had me wrapped around your finger and you knew that. I wanted you to want me how I wanted you. Though you said it, your actions didn’t show it and that made me go crazy. I began to think I wasn’t good enough for you, that you were embarrassed of me because you didn’t want to publicly embrace me... like you did with the rest of your friends…... like you did with your ex...

I never wanted to compete, but I felt like I had to and that’s not me. I had full blown internal strife with myself because of that.

I didn’t eat, I lost weight, my grades dropped, I cried every weekend for a full semester. I was depressed. Everyone else noticed… except you. Everyone else saw what a great girl I was, and you took advantage of that; yet I STILL took you back. After the talks, after the “feelings” being exchanged, I heard the words I needed to hear to try one last time...

But this time was different. This chance was the absolute LAST. I wanted you to prove to me that you meant what you said. I made it clear, so you could take it seriously. I wasn’t dealing with anymore bullshit because it was detrimental to my well-being. I gave it ONE LAST SHOT, and you blew it in the worst way possible…

If you can’t realize how dirty you did me this time (including the “special visitor” you had over not long after I left) I honestly don’t know what else to say to you.

After that you it was FUCK YOU till the end. You were dead to me.

 

But even after all that, I do owe you my thanks.

One thing that you were right about was the fact that I was naïve. I don’t live in my own perfect, little world where everyone will like me and be nice to me if I’m nice to them. You taught me that not everyone is going to like me. I can’t make everyone like me and that’s ok. You taught me that I need to trust actions rather than words. You showed me what it feels like to be walked on and heartbroken.  You opened my eyes to be able to differentiate between the real and fake. You showed me that a person’s true colors are not shown with a first impression, they reveal themselves over time.

This situation has strengthened me mentally & emotionally and helped me realize my self-worth. I deserve nothing less than what I am and what I give.

I feel like I am a better woman now than when I first began college, when I first met you.

To that, I owe you my gratitude.

However, I’m not the same Tori you picked up at the airport last October.  

I’m past you. I’ve made my peace and moved on. Whatever you feel like you need to say to me won’t change our current situation. This time, I meant what I said.

With that,

I wish you the best,

 

Tori.