Full

I’m full So full I grab the folds and creases of my stomach Ashamed of what I have done Ashamed of my weakness I am disgusted by the layers of fat and skin Pinched between my unforgiving fingers I’m full So full Of hate For myself, for my lack of willpower For the cycle I repeat Constantly For the needs, the cravings I strive to fill An endless void of blackness and want How can I let this happen again Where is my strength Where is the strong girl everyone sees She is shrinking inside Unable to stand up against the roaring of My stomach or My brain which insist they NEED this now Even though the strong, but timid, girl knows They don’t It’s not hunger It’s not a primal need I must satisfy It’s a hole of loneliness Eating its way through my body Overwhelming all in its path Demanding to be satiated Before it consumes me entirely I eat to starve off this unending darkness To hold back the clouds and shadows that threaten To plug the black hole within By the numerous squares of chocolate To feel something, anything at all In that empty gap between my heart and my hips Even if it is feeling Too full Even if it is grabbing These rolls of extra skin, which I wear to stay full