A Functioning Addict

Rising in the morning

I really don’t need it

Brushing my teeth

Combing my hair

Looking in the mirror

Do I really need it?

I told my girlfriend I’d stop

My friends thought I stopped a while ago

My family pleads me to stop everyday

Most importantly

I told myself I’d never touch it again

Yet here I am

Phone in hand

Vacant gaze

Fuck

I need it.

A thin, white, bony finger

Pecking away at the touch screen

Pecking away like an angry chicken

Pecking in the number it knows too well

Come on, Reed, you’re better than that

There’s still time to put down the phone

“Hello…”

Booms a familiar, deep baritone

Nervous laughter

I scratch my head

“I’ll take the usual.”

“Be here in 30.”

As he begins to tell me where to meet:

“No need to waste words, I know the street.”

Click!

It’s that easy

Always has been

Always will be

Back and forth

Pacing

Back and forth

Like a metronome

Back and forth

I can still back out now

Back and forth

I’m stronger than this

Back and forth

Is it really a crime?

Back and forth

If I do it just one last time?

No time to think

My watch says go

Into my car

And onto the road

I can’t look at myself

in the rearview mirror

The shame on my face

has become a lot clearer.

Nearing my destination

My mind is an empty expanse

Nothing now can break this trance

Transfixed by the idea

of its sweet embrace

I walk up to my dealer

an exchange takes place

The goods I desire

in their special case

A particularly devilish smile

crosses my face

This will soak up my worries like a sponge

Opening the container, I take the plunge

There is not much

that I feel I need

a solid soul

and the blood I bleed.

Dating all the way back

to Ancient Phoenicia

I only want

a proper pizza.