Furor

by mla34

January 8, 2014

FRUSTRATION

I want to shake the earth.

Stomp with heavy feet and scream to the heavens that have done nothing for me.

Tears of anger like fire on my cheeks as I cry for the peace that will not come.

I'm tired.

I'm done with the lies and the bull

I want to leave but a monster holds me in it's domain.

Two-faced and conniving.

Ruining my life in any way possible and claiming love to the onlookers so that they remain oblivious.

A hunger for power and money is a forever present stench blanketing my captor.

Dark violence, so smog-like it smothers me.

HELP

I yell and thrash but it does not come.

My father that loves me like no other.

Where is he?

Too long was he held captive by this monstrosity,

But I set him free.

"I'll come back for you!", he says.

"I won't forget you Nena!", he says.

More like out of sight out of mind from where I'm standing.

Ugly, fat, stupid, worthless, lazy, failure, talentless

Words present in our every conversation.

The shouting embedding these words into my brain with the strength of a sledgehammer straight from hell.

Am I supposed to be strong enough to fight this.

Weak, helpless, alone

It was so right.

I battle with myself over what to believe.

My heart overflowing with the love I'm capable of,

But locked away behind a steel door that THING has put there.

I want to be happy!

I want to laugh and cry tears of joy!

I want to kiss someone instead of talking myself into believing they would never want me.

I want someone to hold me.

My body strong, but my inner strength fading.

A beautiful twilight dusk met by a dawn I never wished to see.

I want to be with someone and say the words.

Words only said to one other non-familiar.

Words meant to be said without regret.

Even more, I want to feel those words from another.

I loathe my predicament.

I stand tall but with my head bowed down.

To what?

One that does not deserve my presence or one that will only ever accept my servitude.

A binding I can't escape on my own.

Yet myself is my only company.

Depressed and unsure company.

I don't want to be so angry.

My blood feels like it's boiling through my skin and I'm too weak to admit.

My father said to admit it is to defeat it.

I am perishing in my own defeat.

I need a way out.

Can't anyone hear my thudding heart.

Beating with fear and hatred that was once reserved by some only for the gods that had wronged them.

I've taken it all.

All the hatred and pain and sadness.

I DON'T WANT IT!!!!

I don't want it.

I don't want the searing blood pouring through my stretched veins.

HELP!!!

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