Gaslight

Because I love You,

I get to abuse you and call it tough love.

I will teach you to fear me

and I will fool you into thinking

that your fear is in fact a form of respect.

You will do as I say

not because you respect me

but because I've insilled fear into your heart.

You'll never mess up, 

and even though you're only six my love,

you will walk about this earth as a perfectionist

after my years of  "home training."

And when you ask

"Mommy why?"

I'll say "because I love you."

Because he loves me,

he text me every hour that we're apart.

He's convinced me that clingly is cute-

romantic even.

He will tell me to cover up before I leave the house.

Not because it's cold out,

but in fear that another man may look my way,

and steal whats his, 

my heart; a product with his name on it.

I will put his name in my bio

to brand his name onto my profile.

Because if I dont,

he'll get mad.

His insecurities will eat him alive

and come back to haunt me

with a slap to the face.

When I ask "why?"

He'll say "Because I love you."

"Because I love you."

"Because I love you."

Empty words, full of excuses.

If you love me,

why do I feel this way?

Stuck inside this mentality, 

that something is wrong with me and not you?

Stuck with this idea

that every screw up is not an oppritunity to learn, 

but a reason to put myself down.

A reason to feel as if I am worthy 

of your hurtful words 

that sting like alcohol open wound.

Your words that hurt but 

are followed up by a warning and a

"because I love you."

Blurring my vision of what love really is.

Gaslighting me.

And now

this is the only form of "love" 

that I am familiar with.

I think this is what love is.

And it's overrated.