The Geek

One day a boy climbed up a great cliff To see the great Mr. Mondamiff. For he was the wisest man around Unless one cared to seek far underground. “Oh Mondamiff” the boy implored “I am so dreadfully bored. I seek a geek so dreadfully dumb, That he can’t even chew strawberry gum.” “When I find this geek, this dumb geek, I will speedily slap him on the cheek. Then call him many a repulsive name Possibly culminating with “lame.” “Oh my son” said the great Mondamiff, “You must first find the skiff named simply If. A flimsy boat with many leaks Because it is inhabited by birds with sharp beaks. It is possible that you may find the skiff Resting in the shadow of this high cliff. Once found, you must carry it to the far away shore Of the great immeasurable bay of Yore. Then you must sail it west for a year Hoping the weather remains clemently clear. The geek you will find in the city of Grind Holding a half-eaten watermelon rind. But to find the geek in the crowds of Grind Will be difficult, if your pockets are not lined. First, Go through the gate facing the bay Not forgetting that you first must pay. Once inside you must take the first five rights Which will lead you to the house of kites. Then take the next five lefts and you will find The best furniture store in the city of Grind. Your journey will end at the back of the store Where you will trip and fall flat on the floor. When you look up from your place at men’s toes You will espy the geek in the midst of similar woes.” For many days the boy searched for the skiff Under the shadow of Mondamiff’s cliff And found it one day by a cave in Deiru Filled with enough birds to fill up a zoo. Then the boy dragged it across deserts and mountains Through Forests and valleys with boiling fountains. But at last he arrived at the wonderful shore Of the immense, incalculably wide bay of Yore. Then the boy sailed west through the bay Through Hurricanes and sea monsters blocking his way. He gave battle to pirates and took their gold Increasing his wealth three hundred fold. But at last he arrived at the city he sought Though, at the time he arrived, the weather was hot. “When the weather gets warm” said the boy in the heat Watermelon tastes better than sweet cakes or fresh meat. So he passed through the gates and went to the store Ate a watermelon, then one or two more. He gathered the rinds to eat on the way For the boy liked them as much as banana flambé. The boy followed Mondamiff’s directions precisely Even though the weather got dicey. And at last he reached the furniture store The very best one this side of Yore. He slammed open the door and ran to the back Hoping to give that geek a smack. He tripped on a stool and fell to the ground And quickly looked up for his quarry to hound. But geek there was none, not one in sight. No one to kick, no one to bite. Only a mirror made of wood chopped in Grind, Showing himself, holding a half eaten watermelon rind “What a joke,” said the boy, “I see not a geek!” I see not a geek to slap on the cheek! And here I now lie, beset by great woes, Like a small worm, at the level of men’s toes. The boy got up, hanging his head, And as he left the store he said: “That Mondamiff, he is a pig “If ever I need help again I will dig”