Gerald's First Computer

Gerald was new to computers

But decided to give it a try

By the time he’d switched off his laptop

He just wanted to curl up and die

He thought he had got onto Facebook

An achievement of dizzying heights

But instead he had logged onto E bay

And had purchased an old woman’s tights

When delivered he opened the package

Then his heart immediately sank

“What the hell will I do with these old things?”

The next day he tried robbing a bank

But the tights were made for the winter

Extra thick from the toe to the knee

And while he held his gun out to the front of him

Through the tights he just couldn’t see

At first he held up a statue

Then he threatened the chair near the door

By the time he’d located the teller

The guards had him pinned to the floor

The judge in the court looked on sternly

As the jury all laughed at the sight

Gerald’s face was covered by stockings

‘Welded on’ because they were so tight

The judge then asked all in the courtroom

To help reveal the criminal’s face

So the gallery grabbed one leg of the stockings

While the lawyers grabbed the other with grace

Around the courtroom everyone pulled him

Before it turned into a tug-of-war

The jury all whistled and clapped them

Then they shouted: “Keep going. Encore!”

But the judge had now grown impatient

And told all; in their task they had failed

He then ruled on the tights-headed criminal

And poor Gerald for six months was jailed

Gerald sat in his cell all day weeping

Then he cried his way all through the nights

Three days later from this life he departed

As he drowned in his tear ridden tights

The moral of this story is simple:

If with computers you feel ill at ease

Avoid them as much as is possible

They have viruses causing deadly disease