Ghosts

I wish for solace from you.
To exorcise you from my mind.
From haunting my dreams,
the apparition always with me,
Against my wishes of course.

I wish the memory of you
Didn't haunt me to this day.
Ghostly whispers
of your touch and kiss
Still leave me whiplashed.

I wish my thoughts
Didn't turn to you in an idle moment.
That I wouldn't focus on what I've lost
And more on what I've gained since you left.

I wish the very thought of you
Didn't make my heart race
And mind spin,
That you didn't still have such an effect on me.

I wish you
Didn't fill my heart with sorrow
Or my stomach churn painful,
And anxiety didn't full my mind.

I wish the memory of you wasn't painful.
I wish it was always beautiful,
Not marred by the heartbreak and
lapses in sanity you caused.

I wish I could remember you as good,
But you were anything but.
You made me dependent and needy, not myself.
I lost myself because of you.

I wish I could go back
to the day I met you, and not.
But then I don't,
Because you weren't all bad.

I wish I wasn't so contradictory.
I wish I didn't love you then hate you,
An endless cycle of misery.
And I'm stuck.

I wish I wasn't stuck on your memory.
On the pain, misery, and love you gave me.
Gum stuck on my shoe
That I can't get off.

I want all this gone,
The memory of you,
The pain and love you gave.
You aren't worth this never ending cycle.

I wish I had never met you.