Gilded

Location

I hadn't picked up the pen in years since way back when I was too romanced by lonely

Convinced That somehow the breath of me could compare to those of before

But I stand reborn before you

To say that in a way I couldn't fake it

Because all this paper and all this pulp can't shape me scars

And god if It could

all I would get out of you this is an off-comment

Like

Look at how pretty his pain is

As if he thinks he's been objectified, dehumanized

I'm just a dude who has more hands than men I’ve seen cry

More fingers than friends that I can stand by

But I’m not saying that I can relate to your poignant cries

I didn’t pick up the pen because I was scared you’d think I’m a poet

Because these girls seem to think that if my words can somehow paint stormy skies

Then girl I could take you places that you have never been

Even though everyone knows you can never trust a pretty boy with light skin

We’re white sin

And the less melanin

the quicker our eyes change from green to gone like a gilded idol

Our voice is the one singing you those lies through the vinyl

Our thousand hands have hurt you a thousand times over

Our shoulders shoulder the weight of a thousand years of horrors

I am Ceasar

I’m a believer in things I can't count on

I am war

I am peace

I’m the KKK

I’m the man beating his wife on the south side of Manhattan

And so I don't know anymore makes a man anymore

Screamed the mother, lived the lover, said the shotgun to the head.

 

boy we wish you well

And we'll go on wishing he didn't well up slave masters blood

The kind that floods his veins that refuse to listen

And so so out the outside he’s all smoke, he’s all booze, he’s all ruin, he’s all glisten

Growing older on planes slanted

at angles of cold shoulders

He must be bolder with heart cooled colder than 45 degrees

Struttin obtusely with thoughts acuter

Because when your future get stuffed in stiff and stubbled boxes

Theres not much room for feelings

So what he really feels he wants to ask a woman is: can I be a man and clean all this up for you?

 

Because I’m a mess

Because manhood is a funny thing

Because you make falling in love too damn easy

 

Because the night our eyes first played freeze tag all

I could see was the engine behind them

Your mind was an electric night right before a riot

A riot against the only thing you hated more than mirrors

Me

And I may be the guy who’s “not like most other men”

But I am the pretty boy with light skin and white sins

And although my grace may not taste as great as the golden gates

baby I am the one.

The one who the one thing he hates more than love is not being in it

The one thing he loves more than nights you slur into mornings

Is that with you there's no more before and there's no more after

And after all that

Would you love me if I still have some shit I need to talk through?

 

Clearly..?

 

Because I hadn’t picked up a pen in years

But damn girl penned as if she alone could forge the signature of the sun

The only one who would never wait until tomorrow

Because today

Because today is the oldest that I have ever been

And the youngest that we will ever be

And you got me

You got me believing again

Breathing breeze again

Skipping A through D and just talking in ease again

and I do not know

if this will work out in the end

but I have a daydream of your face

in very close proximity to mine

So can I count on your spine?

And will you count on mine?

Because faith for me has been by no means easy grounds

 

just know that my Pinocchio nose knows no bounds

And so I'd be lying if I didn't say that the way you move moves me

You got me raised

You got me lifted

You got me touching stars that never existed

I got pale skin

I got privilege

I'm a man

I’m a man

a man..?

Standing

With a slighter slouch in his stiff spine

Just a young man

Who needs your five fingers entwined with the twins of mine.

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741