To the Girl I Used to Be

Dear Twelve-Year Old Me,

You’re not the girl you used to be.

The girl who suddenly found it hard to smile,

the girl who lost the spark she had,

the girl who felt lost and broken down,

who thought she could never be loved,

who thought all hope was lost,

who thought she wouldn’t make it to her eighteenth birthday,

that girl is no longer you.

Your eighteenth birthday

is less than a month away.

You gained some of the hope you lost -

not all of it, but enough.

You are surrounded by people

who love you with all their heart

and your parents haven’t changed,

and perhaps they will never be able to truly love you,

but you know this and you’ve come to terms with it.

Because now you love yourself,

and that is enough.

You found a path to walk on

and it’s not always clear,

but you know it’s there.

You still break down sometimes;

but you always get back up.

Your spark is back,

not as strong as before

not as bright

yet you still shine.

You smile sometimes now

it’s not as easy as it used to be,

but still, you smile.

You’re not the girl you used to be.

You find happiness.

You find friends,

and love,

and kindness.

I promise they still exist,

and you find them

and soon you’ll find it in new places.

Your life isn’t over yet.

Just wait.

I’ll see you soon.

Sincerely,

Eighteen-Year-Old Me