The Girl Next Door

I was always just the girl next door

You never knew anything more

Never knew the darkness I befriended

Or how much I wished my life had ended

I was the girl who was flawless

Always on the top of the class

I was the girl who was kind and cautious

I wasn’t wild, but I was stuck at an impasse

I was told I was beautiful every day

But I just couldn’t see myself that way

I run from situations that frighten me

But I cannot avoid the girl in my mirror

I run from my issues; all I do is flee

And as I’m running, reality becomes clearer

I feel overwhelmed, hopeless, and tired

I cannot perform, and I’m uninspired

I lack motivation

And I have no aspiration

I feel like I’m a river run dry

And I cannot begin to understand why

So why does my body go on

And why does my heart continue to beat

When I know all hope is gone

When getting out of bed is a feat

The darkness of depression has enveloped me

And I don’t know how to set myself free

I still run from situations that frighten me

But I cannot avoid the girl in my mirror

I run from my issues; all I do is flee

As I’m running, reality becomes clearer

I feel overwhelmed, hopeless, and tired

I cannot perform, and I’m uninspired

When getting out of bed is a chore

When I can’t seem to believe in anything more

When all this weight is crushing my soul

How can I play my role

Despite the struggle that rages within

I get up and go through the motions

I rise from my bed and let the fight begin

And some days I even feel positive emotions

But my doubts and self-loathing come back every time

And I’ll just keep saying that I’m doing fine

I still run from situations that threaten me

But I cannot avoid the girl in my mirror

I face  my issues; though sometimes I flee

As I stop running, reality becomes clearer

I feel overwhelmed, hopeless, and tired

But I’ll put forth effort when I’m uninspired

My issues never went away

But I decided that I would stay

I’m still fighting a war that’s in my head

Sometimes I still want to be dead

But I no longer sit back and let my depression happen to me

I fall down every time I try to fight

But I no longer endulge my destructive tendencies

And I now strive to improve with all my might

I fight tooth and nail to stay alive

I’m learning to live while I survive