To The Girl Who Called Me Ugly

To the girl who called me ugly,
I remember the day you called me ugly,
I did not sleep well that night and threw on a hoodie and sweatpants hoping no one would notice the bags under my eyes,
But you did,

Instead of keeping your irrelevant thoughts to yourself,

You just had to open your mouth,

I will never understand why you had to open your mouth,

Why you had to insult me as if the devil took over your body,

But you did,
You said,

Get some sleep grandma,

That night I remember looking in the mirror with tears running down my face

and thinking,   

I no longer view myself the way I did before,

All because of you,

Everytime I see my reflection in the window I hope the glass will fog up,

When I look in the mirror I want rip that devil off the wall,

I see my ugly face even though I’m not actually looking at my own reflection,

I’m looking at my reflection through your  jack frost cold heart,

I see the bags I need to cover,
I see the pimples I want to erase like a dry erase marker,
I see my small eyes that I wish I could photoshop
My misshapen nose that I can’t change,
And my chapped lips as dry as the Sahara,
 

When I look at my hair,
I see every splintering split end,
Every misplaced curl and every snarl,
I see my impartable part,
And the tiny bits of dandruff that I should need a magnify glass to see,

Thanks to you I see all my imperfections,

Not just on my face,

On my body too,

I see my hippo thighs,

My wrinkled ankles,

My twig like arms,

My oddly shaped knees that look like an abstract painting gone wrong,

And my six pack of pudding cups,

When I look at chocolate I see deliciousness but I also see the number of jumping jacks to get rid of the calories

I feel like a star crossed lover I want it so bad knowing I shouldn’t have it

You made my life a constant battle,

A battle with my mirror,

A battle with my body,

And a battle  with my mind which absolutely sucks,

When I go outside I no longer see people,

I see judgmental eyes staring and judging me,

All thanks to you,

But I also want to thank you for the one good thing you taught me,
Thank you for teaching me not to judge other people on their looks because words hurt,
I am more than my looks and I hope you see that,

Sincerely the girl you made hate herself.