The Girl Who Found Freedom

I stare at my body imprinted into the mirror.

 The way my tummy bloats and my stretch marks appear. 

Why does society have to determine my fears?

 Why can't I be perfect like those Instagram models appear?

 My self esteem shatters at the thought of my appearance. 

 Questioning my worthiness and self-appearance.

 See I´ve been struggling with the girl staring back at me.

 Wondering if my beauty is enough to please those around me. 

You tell me that beauty comes from within, but you fix your flaws using photoshop.

 I can't help, but compare my beauty to theirs. 

Why don't I look like her?

 She's perfect without a stare. 

I can't let a number on the scale deceive me.

 I can't let the amount of guilt consume me. 

I need to be skinny to look beautiful, they say.

 I can't have a cookie without gaining an excessive amount of weight. 

My eye is on the prize to look a certain way. 

Why do I let food control my decisions day to day?

 Smaller the serving size, smaller the plates, smaller my appetite right? 

I dominate my hungry cues with a few sips of water. 

I need to eat less to feel satisfied with myself.

My numbers dropped, but I still wasn't enough. 

Being too skinny meant I wasn't winning. 

I need to gain weight to look a certain way. 

My relationship with food shattered without repair. 

Why does life have to be this way? 

You have to look a certain way in order to fit today's beauty standards.

 Starving myself was an option, but it added to my despair. 

I needed to eat to look good and to feel good. 

Not caring what others have to say. I needed to change. 

I need to stop allowing food to control me day to day. 

But what if I don't look a certain way?

 I no longer care what others have to say as long as my mental and physical health is recovering. 

I am no longer scared to eat diverse types of foods categorizing them as ´´good´´ or ´´bad´´. 

My mindset became much more positive without the thoughts of guilt that ate me away.

 Food is my friend not my foe. 

Why did I let it control me for so long? 

Food freedom is what I strive to achieve with the help of those around me.