To The Girl Who Struggles With Porn

To the girl who struggles with porn-

I understand.

Hang on, don’t freak out yet. I know all too well the cold terror that floods your soul when someone discovers your secret. Out of nowhere, Panic rises up to punch you hard in the face. Shame eagerly begins to drown you as Relief cries softly in the background.

But kill those voices in your head for a moment, and just listen.

They’ve told you “it’s a guy problem” before, right?

Your parents gave your little brother the lecture and weighed him down with internet restrictions, didn’t they?

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry our culture hasn’t noticed your constant battle, your weariness and stumbling in the dark. I’m sorry that your friends don’t understand, or that they don’t talk about it. Don’t judge them too harshly-- they’ve been raised in this detrimental culture, too.

I’m sorry that no one has cared enough to ask you or talk to you about your sex drive, because it’s a lie that women don’t have one.

You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or scared to open up, to get help. You shouldn’t feel disgusting or ashamed. You deserve so much more than what that screen can give you, my sister. And they’re right, you know. Pornography destroys you. It disguises itself as satisfying. As love. But as your curiosity and thirst draw you closer, its thorns sickeningly snag your skin, boldly imprisoning you in addiction. It’s hard to think straight as you’re forcefully drugged day after day, with every spare moment that you’re isolated in your room.

Fear of being discovered, hatred for yourself and others, anxiety to the point of tears and irritability that you’re too weak and tired to deal with, all eat away at your heart and mind.

How did I even get here? You wonder weakly, numbly, picking up your phone to find something to satisfy the desperately vicious, ever-growing monster named Lust.

I’m sorry.

Saying no to the demands of Lust really hurts, so hang in there. Saying “no” doesn’t shut it up, because its whines only get louder and its claws more enraged. Winning a battle is exhausting; and contrary to what you’ve heard, it’s rarely fun. Starving a monster to death takes time.

Men don’t belong here, beautiful one, and certainly neither do you. You were overlooked in the protection plan for all of this, and now you’re being overlooked in the rescue mission. But no one should have to fight their way out alone, as I did. As many of us did; because pornography apparently isn’t something girls can get help with.

I know you won’t be ready to talk about this for a while, but don’t fight alone.

I’m here for you.

And there is no shame against you.

This poem is about: 
Me
Our world

Comments

melodykap

Whoa, I really love this.

I've never really seen a work that discusses the sex drive of teenage girls, or of women as a whole. I've never really thought about it. I love that you discuss the shame that society places on young women with interest in sex, as they've created the spectrum of "prude" and "whore" in which there is no in between.

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