It’s bright today

Warm too

It doesn’t match my brain

My brain is rough

And frantic

It’s warm with all the action

And this heat

Is making things worse

I can’t figure out what I need to do

What’s best

I don’t want to hurt myself

But

Maybe I do

Maybe I deserve you because you hurt

Maybe I want you because I think I deserve this kind of pain, or that you’re the only one that would like me, or that I should settle, or that I should be grateful

“There’s other people out there!”

But I don’t think people like me

So I don’t like them

I’m afraid they’ll treat me poorly

If not with You or Him

I just want to be alone