Giving Up

It’s bright today

Warm too

It doesn’t match my brain

My brain is rough

And frantic

It’s warm with all the action

And this heat

Is making things worse

I can’t figure out what I need to do

What’s best

I don’t want to hurt myself

But

Maybe I do

Maybe I deserve you because you hurt

Maybe I want you because I think I deserve this kind of pain, or that you’re the only one that would like me, or that I should settle, or that I should be grateful

“There’s other people out there!”

But I don’t think people like me

So I don’t like them

I’m afraid they’ll treat me poorly

If not with You or Him

I just want to be alone