Glued Back Together

Your face is familiar.

Whether you are the face of my mother, my father,

my sister, my brother, my friend,

or my lover,

I see you in this mirror.

I love you.

That love will never fade,

but, because I love you,

that line has never been made

about what is okay,

and what isn’t.

I can’t comprehend

that you can hurt me,

and you do.

Because I love you.

I think it has to be me,

That I am responsible for the way you distance me

with rage

or silence…

So, I change.

change everything I do

trying to make myself “better,”

better for you,

because I love you.

This is what you want,

and you say it’s what you need.

So, the closer we get,

the more convinced I am that the problem

is me.

Your iced words or hard fists

can’t compare to the abuse within my mind

because “I love you,”

that statement becomes blind.

Hidden behind a guise of denial,

the two have intertwined.

“Because I love you,”

Has become synonymous with pain

and fear.

 When “Because I love you” is an excuse I should say only to the person in the mirror,

And with each removed dagger,

I’ve been able to see a little clearer.

I have left you,

But the jagged words of your memory are difficult to remove.

Mainly because I still feel like it’s my fault

Cause your memory’s stuck to me like glue.

And the more I pull and pull and pull away from it

The stickier the residue.

It’s a mess

And it’s what made it so hard for me to realize

that I don’t owe you a thing,

and if anything,

you are the one owes me at least an apology that I will never get.

But the only thing you gave to me was the seed of self-loathing that caused me to shatter this mirror

after I shattered myself.

Because I love you,

The war for your affection was a war where the only outcome was to lose myself,

and that fractured self-view

is shown by these broken shards of glass drawing out liquid with a crimson hue.

They will leave scars that will always be a part of me.

You will always be a part of me.

Because I still love you.

It is hard for me not to blame you.

Though, this hurt I feel is true,

and, while, it will take some time,

I will learn to love anew.

I am using the glue to put the mirror back together.

Because to be healthy I have to love myself too.