Go Ask Alice

Dear Diary, I’ve spent another night sleeping in someone else’s house Another night drinking off someone elses beer Another night breathing in someone else’s smoke Another morning Trying to pick up my dignity along with the discarded bits of clothing Soaked in the smell of miller lite and shame Have I had enough yet? Have my feet been callused enough by long walks home on weekend mornings Chilled by the early morning breeze on my bare knees Enough red lipstick smeared across my face like a kamikaze wave Have I hit the ground yet? Or has the mattress of another lover cushioned my fall again The smoke from another joint lifted me up again Have I stopped coming down yet Have I stopped falling yet? Or am I too busy tracing the needle marks on my arm into constellations Trying to pass the time until my next fix gets me to the moon Trying to pretend that the grey pallor of my skin is just evidence of the galaxies inside me There are no worlds in my blood Just vices threatening to tear me apart Just the maggots i've been cradling in these prick marked arms for years Have I tired of empty affections yet? Its been 3 months since I've seen myself in that mirror that i'm so close to My closest friends are fiends The only warmth they hold is the fire in their lungs and the smoke on their breath They hold no love for me here These streets are as cold and empty as jail cells and seem to work just the same I’m trapped in a perpetual ploy to prohibit my progress In a never ending cycle of puff puff pass Its been much too hard to keep off the grass How many times have they made me blow for blow How much longer until these worms i've been keeping at bay return? Until they feast on my decaying flesh Tear apart the sanity i tried so hard to maintain Until they claim me whole Do you know they call me alice now? So lost in my wonderland Down the rabbit hole I've forgotten how to find my way home Like Hansel and Gretel Lost in the woods Dropping bread crumbs of my soul I tried to find it at the bottoms of bottles But it never seemed to be there Poor Alice. Just keep smiling I'm too gone to care Thats why the Cheshire Cat smiles so much you know So no one notices that thats all he has left Don't you know the Mad Hatter spikes the tea? Button button who’s got the button But it always seems to be me I can't tell if I'm tripping down the yellow brick road or just tripping You know the music stopped ages ago but I’m still dancing I can't stop dancing. It’s all just so groovy The room’s spinning anyway, might as well join it I cant feel my legs anymore ... Is this what fun feels like? Lucy may be in the sky with diamonds But Alice has been lingering too long in the stratosphere Doesn't matter how high I get I’ll never reach the stars from here. The only difference between me and Alice now is Alice was dreaming And I can't seem to wake up. How does it feel to be trapped inside your own mind? Go ask Alice. I’m still not free enough to tell you.